Everyday is a Miracle.
- inspired by Veronika Decides to Die

"Control your mind or your mind will control you."
-inspired by Veronika Decides to Die

What's worth fighting for?

I have started watching the series, Arrow, and have just actually finished watching Season 1 today. I've come to love the whole thing. Honestly, I believe it is improving as time goes by. One of the quotes I love came from the last episode, Sacrifice. It was actually spoken by Arrow's arch nemesis, Malcolm Merlyn. He said:

"You can't beat me, Oliver. Yes, you're younger and you're faster, yet you always come up short against me. Wanna know why? Because you don't know, in your heart, what you're fighting for. What you're willing to sacrifice. And I do."

Specific text from: http://www.tvfanatic.com/2013/05/arrow-review-sacrifice/#ixzz2inzYYaIZ

I realized that it is true... in my own life perhaps. There have been many times when I start doing things but don't finish them. The ideas are good, great even... but sometimes I just don't push through or stick to it for a longer period of time than I projected. I realized that I still have yet to discover something worth fighting for. 

 

I think I'll start that search today.

Beautiful

What would the world be without such a beautiful person like you?

Never there

She was distant. She was away. 

She felt cold and didn't need to stay.

She felt loved and fought

but in the end, it was for naught.

How do you dry what never ran?

In a land of no pain, there was nothing to cure.

How do you stop things before they began?

To save yourself from a lie so sure.

Unboxing my "Express It: Runway Rock!" BDJ Box October 2013

Greetings!

I am Jacqui and this is my first ever BDJ box purchase!

...so I decided to make a review and blog about it.

Honestly, I came home from work today super tired and I was also stressing out by the fact that I've started breaking out on my forehead. Awhile ago as I walked home, I was actually thinking on a new non-comedogenic foundation I should buy... Oh and also something with SPF... 
 
As I got home, I noticed a package on the piano but I thought, maybe it's for my mom.

I passed by it. Stopped. Turned. *light bulb* My BDJ box!

I rushed towards it and after checking the receipt, I was like - Yes its here! ;)

Here are some pictures I took upon unboxing. Cheers!

Outer cover of the box

 

 

 

The box itself

Express yourself fearlessly stickers which I so love and will probably stick everywhere in my room and my office desk (or the desk of my work friends) ^_^

And here are the contents as enumerated, with prices. The total cost of the box is approximately P2,000.00 worth of Maybelline products.

 



   

And the excitement builds up...

 

 

 



 Boom! ^o^ So happy. :)

 

 

 

Here is a list of the products in the box:

 

1. Volum' Express: The Falsies (P449)

So glad this is in here. I threw out my old mascara yesterday. Absolutely timely!

 

2. Eye Studio Lumineyes Shadow (P599)

 

3. Cheeky glow (P199 x 2 = P398)

 

4. Clear Smooth All in One Shine-Free Foundation (P249)

This product is an answer to all my queries. I was wondering what foundation I should try and here it is! Perfect timing once again!

 

5. Clear Smooth BB Stick 8-in-1 Skin Transformer (P279)

Another answered prayer. Now I will be able to try 2 products. :)

 

6. Baby Lips Runway Brights (P89)

 

7. Lastly, they also included a Maybelline New York card where you could accumulate points for Maybelline purchases in the Philippines.  

So there you have it Bellas! I hope this was informative and would get you excited for the upcoming boxes. If your October 2013 box hasn't arrived, don't worry because it's comin' to your doorsteps pretty soon! :) Can't wait to try these! 'Til the next unboxing! <3 font="">

 

I Love the Lord (lyrics)

I love the Lord, He is filled with compassion.
He turned to me on the day that I called.
From the snares of the dark, O, Lord, save my life,
Be my strength.

Gracious is the Lord, and just.
Our God is mercy, rest to the weary.
Return my soul to the Lord our God who bids tears away.
I love the Lord.

How can I repay the Lord for all the goodness He has shown me?
I will raise the cup of salvation and call on His name.
I love the Lord.

I shall live my vows to You before Your people,
I am Your servant.
I will offer You my sacrifice of praise and of pray'r.
I love the Lord.

From the snares of the dark, O, Lord, save my life,
Be my strength.

From the snares of the dark, O, Lord, save my life,
Be my strength…

More lyrics: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/b/bukas_palad/

Doubt

I have recently changed careers. As I have shared previously, I was very unhappy with the work condition of nurses in my country. Hence, I left my profession as a bedside nurse and started to pursue another job in research. At present, I am in Health policy research.

After working in my new job for 3 months, I have come to love it. I must admit it is still filled with pressure and deadlines but somehow, I feel happier.

I've always believed the quote "If you love your job, then you wouldn't be working for the rest of your life" and so I decided to follow that.

Despite my constant pursuit of happiness, many people still tell me that my career shift was wrong - that I should have stayed in nursing in order to have the chance to go abroad. Until now, it bothers me why many would choose to leave our country. I understand our "poor" state but I still consider my country as one of the most beautiful places I've ever seen. I don't see the need to desperately leave it.

How I wish people would understand me when I say these things. How I wish they would not push me to leave.

And how I wish I will sustain the strength to not listen to them, and to just listen to me.

light

It's been crazy these past few months because of my obsession to pass that test. I've come to realize that I should just accept things as they are and stop sulking about how my life is turning out. Because of that, I have finally decided to resign from work this April 30th. I know its a big leap for me. Many people are out of jobs and here I am, leaving mine. I want to go out there and pursue something in research or writing rather than the clinical setting. Little by little, I think God is affirming me in my decision and I am also gaining the support of my husband despite the sharp turn of things in my life. I know that whatever will happen to me in the future, he'll be there and my faithful God will be there. Though I am weak and untalented in many things, He still blesses me with a good family, a loving husband, and future career opportunities (someone is already hiring me actually). Maybe in a few years down this new road, I will understand why I had to fail and why I was led to a different path. Someday maybe. But now, I just rest in the words of Christ that He will never leave me nor forsake me. I will just hold on to the promises He tells me and to the guidance He gives me everyday.

The tunnel is long and dark. I focus to the light at its end -  where He awaits me.

For that, may the Lord be praised.

somber

As my duty will start in 2 hours, I suddenly find myself in a somber mood yet again. My dad and my husband has recently told me that they have observed that I seem to be sad before going to work. Does this mean I'm unhappy with my work?

back to square one

We are back at the Pioneer plaza to get the official printed results of our exam. After this, we shall both be heading out to the various agencies we prefer. Hopefully something good comes out of it. I'm looking forward to their future e-mails and also the various opportunities they will present.

give it a little push

I suppose I'm done with going through the DABDA phase. I have now come to the stage of Acceptance.

As of late, my husband and I have been working toward pushing our application forward. We are starting to pick up the pieces and move on from our heartbreaking defeat. There seems to be a lot more out there than I thought. I assumed that our application was put to trash but right now, doors are still opening for us. I hope we get to where we want to in time. Patience is all we need, and also a little push.

My babies

Today is the fifth day of my writing therapy session. I apologize for not being able to write yesterday because I was very busy with work.

Yesterday was hectic although I am grateful that it was rather busy since it kept my mind off things. I must say my heart gets better as each day passes. I go through the normal motions of my every day life and somehow, I get healed little by little.

My duty yesterday was sort of special. I handled an intubated baby and I admitted one that had Oxygen hood support. It was special since aside from these 2, I also had 4 more critically ill patients I had to take care of. It was one of the busiest days I had handling 6 critically ill babies with a lot of procedures pending.

Despite its busyness, I love my job. I love smoothing a baby's head to get him to sleep. I love comforting them so they would stop crying. These little ones suffering at an early stage in their lives made me realize how blessed I am that I am not the one in their state as of the moment. I am actually the one giving care and not the one needing any medical care.

Sometimes, we tend to dwell on our petty misfortunes without realizing that others are having it harder than ours. My little experience yesterday reminded me to focus on how okay our lives are. You may not agree that your life is good but it is... and it will only get better. So smile.

talk 2

I went to the Christian Life Program of Couples for Christ yesterday and they gave a talk on how God's is never wrong in His plan for our life.

It struck me and I realized that maybe they are right. Although I'm going through a rough time right now, maybe God is telling me to accept it and take it easy. He impresses on me to have faith and believe despite delay.

never gonna leave this bed

It's my third day of 'wallowfest' and still I'm not yet healed of the pain of failing. I could not believe how I am so affected by this. I am often a resilient type of person and also the type not to be TOO affected by things. Somehow though, this has affected me WAY more than I expected.

The day started at 12 noon - just now.

I don't feel like waking up at all. I feel like burrowing in a hole that is my bed. However, I know staying there would not heal me. I decided then to stand up and write.

The only noteworthy thing that happened these past 30 minutes (aside from getting out of bed) is that I fought with my husband over soap. Maybe that's what most people do when they don't feel too great - they piss others off.

Cooking for healing

I am still wallowing in self pity when I realized that I should start cooking. It's 15 minutes past 11 and I haven't eaten anything.

I decided to cook boiled chicken with vegetables. It's a traditional Filipino recipe which consists of chicken, potatoes, and lettuce. All these things brought to a boil with fish sauce as flavoring. You might not like the sound of that but for the Filipino tongue, that sounds yum.

I further realized that cooking somehow heals the heart - well my heart in this instance. If you're suffering from home sickness, from a bad day at work, or by merely flunking an exam, this is a probably your ticket to a good two hours or so.

Cooking I assume has healing abilities. First, it gets your mind off the stress of whatever it is you've been bugging about. Second, it gives you a yummy treat after. How cool is that? I now realize why a lot of people do this as form of self-healing or something. Take Julie Powell's blog for example. She used cooking as therapy.

Maybe I should do this more often. I Hope to read other blogs about this topic too. Got to go. Have to eat. Happy lunch everyone!

Cheers to Sunny Mornings!

This is my first blog in approximately 2 years. I have not been writing for I have been busy with work and wedding planning.

But now you might ask, why write again?

It has been such a long time since I stopped writing and I actually never thought I would write again. Yesterday, I received very bad news about flunking an exam. Honestly, I still can't accept the fact I failed. Maybe I wrote again because of this. I needed a place to grieve. Somehow, this is the only place I could do that without having too much sympathy from others. Heck! I don't need their sympathy. As you can see, I'm still grieving and I'm still wallowing in this bitter pill I have to swallow.

Someone told me that maybe, it's not yet time to pass this test. Maybe I could pursue my dreams some other time. I have no idea. All I know is that I'm looking at it still at the micro perspective when I know I should be looking at it at a bigger perspective. I don't know. Grieving really does that to people, myself included.

How I wish I could wake up and not feel any more worse than I feel now. It is a sunny morning and I feel its trying to cheer me up. But in no way am I ready today. Maybe tomorrow. But to you, I would like to say cheers to this sunny day of ours!

Sight Anew

Everything has changed for the better. I owe it all to God I suppose. He changed my perspective and taught me how to bloom where I am planted. Sure, there will be days when I still hate some attitudes of the people at work. Still, there will be stressful days - much bleeding and death, but I have chosen to stay. I choose to brave the raging waters. I choose to not give up.

I’m thankful how God has strengthened me. I wouldn’t be here today if He didn’t carry me. He has a plan. I know it. I believe it. He has a great plan for me and there is nothing I could do but be excited about it. Just as a little girl waits to open her presents on Christmas… Just as a mom anticipates the birth of her first born… Just as a girl becomes engaged and joyfully plans her wedding… I too will anticipate. I too will rejoice. I too will wait for the beautiful unfolding of my life which is among God’s greatest masterpieces.

The love is just pouring and I marvel at the wisdom of my Master.

New Day

It's a new day and it seems to me that my dream is being fulfilled little by little. Although the journey is a slow, it sure is steady. I have already made small steps to make it come true and I hope one day, things will materialize from my effort and show itself more clearly. I am glad at the tiny developments... at the support of my mom as well. It is hard to do something outside of the norm or the daily routine but I'm happy for this change. It is a good change for me.