Answered prayer

…what bothered me ultimately was how their words were not at par with my belief… that one single belief… knowing that your prayer was answered… ah, that prayer so specifically uttered…

…it was not my normal prayer… it was that sort of prayer where I had tears streaming from my eyes… trickling down to my cheeks… I have tasted its saltiness … then it dropped to the floor… once, twice… too many times that I never noticed a puddle collecting in front of me. Having myself on my knees… I don’t remember how I looked then… but I was sure of how I felt. I became transparent little by little. I felt naked. And I surrendered myself to my God that night. That was my first prayer for a love. Yes, I must admit that I did not pray much in the past. Only those memorized prayers in school that they taught me. I uttered the words though I did not understand what it meant. I admit it. I was careless… and overlooked the presence of a higher power who could take a hold of me. Knowing I was young then made me feel powerful… almost god-like when it comes to dealing with life… in entering… and ruining… relationships.

It amazes me how I came to know about my God… His presence… the truth of His existence… It amazes me that the little desire I had in knowing more about Him then and having the urge to surrender myself to Him, made Him pick me up… I felt like a worthless little toy drowning under a heap of other little toys…when suddenly a little boy picked me. He picked me. From that mountainous pile – He chose me. And oh, how that feels good. Thinking about how it happened makes me truly feel blessed.

…and so the journey continues with me growing fonder of a Christian organization… Since I still felt like a worthless toy, I hesitated too many times on opportunities that passed my way… but God was patient with me… little by little, he sent people to guide me… to inspire me… and with His patience, I grew. I grew little by little, and until now… I still feel like I am growing and that He’s watching me every step of the way… like a parent holding on to his child as she makes her first crucial step.

Throughout the journey though, He never forgot about my prayer. Although I forget my own prayers at times, He keeps reminding me of my prayer…that particular prayer… our contract… our little agreement…

And he sent me a person who satisfied the criteria fully. I was hesitant at first. I kept calling to Him, telling Him that if this is not the person I prayed for, that He must remove what I was feeling instantly – He’s God… And I believe that He will agree with me in removing this little love if it was never meant to be. But to my surprise, the more I prayed to be detached from this strange feeling, the more He showed me things about this brother that strengthens my love all the more… After that, I gave up. I let all my doubts fall… And they fell easily. I admitted I loved this person when I was on my third year at a university. Despite the doubts… the uncertainty… I left everything to faith. All I knew then was that I loved him. The purest love I could ever fashion out of me. Until now… It’s amazing … but I still love him… and am continuing growing in love with Him day by day. He is now my person… but above all… he is my answered prayer.

...and that faith in that particular prayer and in my God keeps me... and keeps us together.