Lying

September, 2003

This time, God gave me a test… another test that unearthed my unresolved weakness.

I lied again… pero ngayon, immediately after the lie, I confessed.

And this time, it was not my relationship with my childhood best friend that was at stake.. It was my relationship with my GG. My GG. My future husband.

Though it was painful to admit the lie, I still admitted. This time, I chose God over self-preservation. Before admitting to him, I knew that he might be mad at me and may not forgive me… However, I prayed on it and mustered the bits of courage I saved through the years… I certainly knew that this was a test for me. There were only two paths to choose – admit the lie or never admit the lie. The latter will be more harmless at present. However, once I choose that path, there will be a greater chance that I will lie more and more to my GG in the future – which poses greater future harm. And I can’t afford to do that.

Tama nga na babasagin ka lang ni God to rebuild you as a better person. I’m sorry if I hurt you but maybe there’s more blessing to this than we all could see. At least now, I’m confident that I’m not as callous as I used to be. I’m not that much of a liar that I used to be.

Maybe this time nag-iisip na talaga ako. Baka nga mas nagwo-work na yung spirit in me. Kahit iwan pa niya ko, I love him enough to tell him the truth. I love him enough to choose the right path when dealing with him. I love him enough that this time, I let God win and not my own selfishness.

I also saw the experience as a test of true love. How much does every I love you mean? To what extent could you love someone? Do you love him enough to express the truth every step of the way? To let God reign in your relationship?