on long chats and hugs

i'm happy nakausap ko si ko about my concerns about the transparency and transition phase.

i'm glad he didn't leave.

i'm glad we found solutions.

i'm glad we prayed... dun sa may mga bibe at damo at puno at church.

tama siya eh.

may mga panahon na kinukulang sa prayer time kaya hindi napagdadasal yung samin.

Didache:
i read my didache today. binasa ko today ung dapat na for tomorrow. at musta naman? natamaan ako.

yung entry was 'adult or child?'

sinabi dun na God gives us trials in discernment so that we'd grow as adults. May line pa dun na 'Only adults are able to reason well enough while children have to be spoonfed'. Yesterday, I wanted to be spoonfed but God taught me to be an adult. To learn how to talk and share MY views and not just copy other people's views. Sobrang seek ako ng seek ng people na gawing tama yung buhay ko pero in the end, ako rin yung nag-decide. I'm just thankful dahil na-tra-transition na rin ako from child to adult. God is helping me grow. :D

Process Recording:
When I got home yesterday, my mom and I had a chat sa dining table..

Ma: San ka galing?
Jac: Ayala
Ma: Akala ko nag-nightlife ka
Jac: Ayoko. La ako pera. At may kinausap ako
Ma: Si?
Jac: Rex
Ma: O! Anong meron?
Jac: Kelangan lang ayusin yung mga ibang bagay. Naconfuse ako.
Ma: Ano plano niyo?
Jac: Pray more. Obey rules. And start opening up little by little to other people.
Ma: Pag kayong 2 lang, okay ba yung pakiramdam mo? Ako kasi, basta it's between me and my God. If okay kay God, okay na ko. Bakit mo kailangan makinig sa ibang tao?
Jac: Yun nga eh. Yun yung fault ko siguro.
Ma: Seryoso ka talaga kay Rex a
Jac: Dah! Ma naman, mukha ba kong joke? *hehe*
Ma: Well, okay naman siya eh.. Sabihin mo mag Cum Laude siya. Ingatan niya ung utak niya *hehe*

I will end the process recording here kasi masyado na kayong maraming alam. Basta my mom is okay with Rex. Sabi niya, sa lahat ng manliligaw ko daw, siya trip ni ma. Musta naman?! manliligaw ang term. Soree! *peace*

Reflection:
I am just thankful. That my prayers were answered. All of it. I can't thank God enough. And I'm serious about this. That's why I fear, because I'm serious and whatever I say, all plans I verbalize are true. Maybe I fear because being truthful means putting your walls down, having no shield, being honest, being more open to pain. But as Rex read the passage on love yesterday, I realized that maybe I'm in the right direction - love is not conceited, rude, selfish, does not take offense, and most definitely - NOT PROUD. I learn to humble myself and show how human I am. To drop the act. This is me. This is who I am. And I show and say what I feel to you openly and without pride.

Side topic:
Yesterday, we talked about fighting for the one you love. Ang sabi ko, kung iniwan ka niya tas ayaw niya, bakit mo ipipilit yung sarili mo? Narealize ko ngayon na, kung mahal ka talaga niya, hindi ka niya iiwan in the first place. At kung mahal ka niya, she'd be open about how she feels, no pride must take over. Usually kasi, relationships end because of pride. Ayaw magsabihan. Gusto unang mag-bend yung isa. Parang ego tripping lang. In real love, you drop your pride. Tell her how you feel. Be honest. Tell her/him how much you love her/him.