lately...

Today is the YFC year-end party for SY 2006-2007.

The day I was delivered.

Family: Everything about my family is cool. They are very supportive of me and my activities. I'm very thankful that they are around to cheer me up when I'm down, weak, and trodden.

Academics: Everything about my academics is okay except for the fact that I totally ditched becoming Cum Laude. *dream dream* Haha! But I'm happy to say that I have the fattest chance of graduating on 2008! Aja!

Service, Friends, and Love life:

This is the heavy bit.

okay.

lets start!

I haven't been okay with service. Always been absent. This is the latest that I've attended so far. For those three weeks that I am gone, I was selfish. Thinking only of myself. See, my health is not that good. I'm not the healthiest person. I am underweight and I need to eat. I'm prone to sickness and I even fainted on a Ward duty (I love Ma'am Alba!). Because of this, I retreated from my duties. Hid myself and created a wall around me so as not to feel guilty nor pressured. Like as if I had my own world where I didn't need to care.

My college friends became angry with me because I got too close to a brother. A friends said that he doesn't know me much now and that he feels left out. He hurt me for that week through words, and I just got the blows. I took the blows and didn't punch back (which was normally who I am). I didn't want to fight him anymore. There are better things to do and understand. I wanted to understand him so I prayed for him. I took God by my side and prayed for him.

What happened to me after that was really mind-wrecking! I became the sinner that I used to be. My lies became more frequent and so did my vulgar words. I didn't read the Bible. I didn't attend any YFC thing. I was at a loss. Walled and lost.

Yesterday, I spoke to a brother and I told him how I intentionally built a wall between him and me so that I could give way to my kada. He told me that I was wrong but didn't say anything else. I was waiting for him to talk to me. Make a sermon or something. Although I seemed like I didn't need it or I didn't care, I NEEDED IT AND I DID CARE.

The next day (or today), I went to the year-end party and spoke with Kat. She told me that I have to choose. She chose sticking it out with YFC and sacrificed her kada. I said I can't do that so I was planning to sacrifice YFC instead.

Our discussion was cut short with worship. Through the worship, I learned that I'm staying. I'm staying with the Lord. I felt Him commanding me to stay. This is what I wanted so badly, to stay and to have someone tell me to stay. This is what I wanted all along. Just to hear the Lord say that He wants me to stay. And I cried because for all this time, what I wanted was something I knew, something I had all along. And I praise Him for keeping me. I'm fixed. When God is with me, all things get fixed, they just follow fixed.